Legacy

Legacy 

I'm back! Sorry I've been away from this so long, I wish I had an excuse for you, but all I have is that I'm a bit spazy, which, since I'm pretty sure that everyone who actually reads this knows me personally, this will not come as news to you.

This entry is going to be a different kind of entry. It's not "Here! have a prayer! and a random glimpse into my life", but it was born from prayer, so I feel it still belongs- otherwise I would have put this journal like mess in one of my other blogs.

I was at PMT Sunday (Peer Ministry Team), and Dan, our youth minister decided to lead an opening prayer around the song "Generations" by Sarah Groves (I apologize for any name misspelling). 

Now musically, I admit this was not one of my favorite songs. Miss Groves and I have a few minor disagreements about where certain notes and gaps belong (mental ranting blah de blah de blah), but lyrically it was spot on, and I can respenct that regardless. 

So I found myself in a crircle getting ready to share about the lines "I can pass on a curse or a blessing/ to those I will never know". And of course as we were going around with what legacy we wanted to leave behind we started two or three people away from me and went in my direction. I had no idea what to say. You would think because I'm a senior and I've been working in this group for four years now that I would have figured out this semi-oh-so-very-important concept, but of course not. Thus ther I sat, two monts from leaving, haveing no idea what I wanted to leave behind and embarassingly enough having to say "I don't know, and honestly the whole thing kinds freaks me out a little" when it was my turn to speak. Awesome.

Everyone laughed when I said this, which I don't have a problem with- humor is a good thing and this happens to me a lot. I will say something in all seriousness and it ends up being funny. I'm actually greatful (since when I try to be funny it's just downright painful), but this time I was a little frusterated because I was freaking out a little bit and it was comming off as a joke and ruining the mood of the prayer. 

It got me thinking though, what do I want my legacy to be? What do people think it is (someone said something but I was slightly less than enthused about it because its one of those by-accident things and I was in the middle of a by-accident momnet so it didn't stick)? What are people going to remember about me twenty years from now? How about two years from now since I won't be around because of my break schedule? Can I freak out now about the smallness of human beings which I have a back and forth ok-with-this-or-not relationship?

Here is what I have thought out so far:

I want to leave behind a sense of acceptance. The kind of acceptance that gives people the permission to be themselves and act wierd and not worry about what someone else thinks of them or their dreams or where they've been. I want to leave behind a sense of family. Family that is around for you whenever, for whatever you need/want them for. The kind of family that knows when you need a little extra support and don't even blink when they come in even before you ask it becaus they know you and they care. I want to leave behind a sense of wonder- wonder at the world and how amazing it all is, and wonder in the sense of miricles, for which I am greatful because I've gotten waaaay mor ethan my share. 

I want to leave behind a resolution that you can do anything, even when people think you must have lost your mind because there is no way on EARTH that this couls work out. I want to leave behind a legacy of trust, because truth is that we (or I at least) realize that we have no idea what we're doing, but none of this is actually up to us anyway so we do the best we can and try to stay out of God's way. I want to leave behind that feeling that God made you a promise, and you can trust him. (This happens to me- I don't know how to explain it, but it'slike you just know something and God says "don't worry about it, let this promise hang in the back of your mind and let go".)

I want to leave behind a sense of duty, and a sense of protectiveness of those we love and serve and those we serve with. An instinct to shelter each other from the outside, or even ourselves if we do something careless. I want people to inherit a sense of caution- because a careless word can do a lot of damage, even though you didn't know what happened. 

And lastly (for now at least) a sense of joy and honesty. Joy, because without joy this falls flat, and honesty because if we aren't honest we will bring everything down around us.

I know, that's a lot, but I want to pass  on all the best in my legacy, even the things I'm still working on. Legacy isn't necessisarily about who you are, but what you want for those around you- those pieces hand in hand. 

If I even leave a piece of this behind, I won't be a failure, and I can be happy with what I'm leaving my team with. 

I hope I have something worthwhile for you to inherit when this is all over guys. You deserve the best.